Monday, May 01, 2006

CONTEST: Make Me Laugh!

AND THE WINNER IS...

Tenzing Nosegay by Parfums d’Nepal by Lisa S.

Notes: ~ A faint waft of rotting mountain climber garbage threading through a bracing icy menthol accord touched with Himalayan pine that soon descends to a comforting center of wet wool and pure canister oxygen underlain with the homey fragrance of warm yak butter tea.

Pros: That Xtreme outdoor feeling. attracts many handsome sherpas and sherpettes.

Cons: Hypoxia

Reminds me of: Canali di Venezia, Eau de Nouvelle Jersey Saltmarsh, Valdez Millesime 1989

Development: strictly third world

Longevity: It just keeps returning and returning…eternally

Sillage: depending on the winds and temperature anywhere from overwhelming to silent.

Where can I buy it? $666 for a 500ml edp splash at Tenzing and Edmund’s Fragrance Yurt

Bottleworthy? If one must….

The Bottom Line: For the adventurous armchair tourist. Be there without being there. Wherever you go, there you are.

Rating (out of 10): 3.141818

LISA! Drop me a line with your mailing address to receive your gift!

______________________________________

APRIL CONTEST!

Write a Scenteur7 style review using the standard "notes, pros, cons, etc." format for the chance to win a fragrance.

What is it? A contest and a chance to win a fragrance!

What do I do? Choose any fragrance, real or fictional, of your choice and write an off-the-wall review of it using the standard Scenteur7 "10 criteria" and a rating (out of 10). Submit your review in the comments section of this thread. Have fun with it and worry not about offensive language! The goal here is to make me laugh, out loud, and heartily!

What's the time frame? Have your submission enetered into the comments section of this post by May 1st, 2006! Winners will be announced May 5th!


Good Luck!

12 comments:

zsm said...

REVIEW: Yves Saint Laurent, Kouros

Notes: Laurel, Artemesia, Coriander, Cinnamon, Honey, Leather, Oakmoss, Amber, Civet, Musk.

Pros: Totally unique. If you want to smell like the crappy, dirty bathroom at the Shell station mixed up with animal hair and fecal matter, this is the fragrance for you.

Cons: Again, it's totally unique. Did I say "dirty Shell station bathroom"? Darn it...

Reminds me of: My Kohler toilet after a big dump. Yes, the bold look of Kohler. I wonder if Yves St. Laurent had Kohler, American Standard, or Toto in his mind...

Development: For 70 degree F water, develop in Kodak D-76 developer for 5 1/2 minutes. Rinse for 30 seconds. Then, add Kodak stop bath for 30 seconds. Rinse for 30 seconds. Use Kodak Rapid Fixer for 5 minutes, rise for 30 seconds, and Kodak Hypo Clearing Agent for 30 seconds. Rinse for 5 minutes. After done, use Kodak Photo-Flo 200 to clean the negatives...oops, that's Kodak Tri-X film.

Longevity: No other fragrance works stronger or lasts longer than Advil...oops, Kouros.

Sillage: You can smell it from 700 miles away.

Where can I buy it? $28.99 for a 1.6 oz spray at Imagination Perfumery. Or $27.99 for the same size at your local Target store. Pick your poison. And no, I don't mean the Dior kind.

Bottleworthy? Yes...Yes...YES!!! That is, if you like gas station or subway bathrooms.

The Bottom Line: If you're a Port-A-Potty cleaner and love your job, this scent is for you. A masterpiece.

Rating (out of 10): 10

What scent Kohler-bowled you over?

Kelley said...

The New Fragrance from Michael Jackson

In a recent interview with Michael Jackson, it was announced that he has created a fragrance that was all about his life. In essence, he said, he wanted a biographical eau de toilette. Supposedly, Michael, in a contract with IFF was able to retain complete control of the final juice and fired all but one of the technicians during the two year process. Mr. Jackson approached the IFF team with a proposal for a fragrance containing only five ingredients in honor of the Jackson Five but the team burst out laughing. They were all fired except for a deaf technician. The final result, called “Youth Nude” starts out with cotton candy, caramel corn and Pepsi notes. The middle notes, according to Michael, are fresh oxygen, bleached skin accord and a bubbly fruit mélange. He said he wanted this fragrance to be cleansing and uplifting like a night in a hyperbaric oxygen tank. The fruit mélange is in honor of Bubbles the chimp. The base notes are a blend of a youthful musk and a perfect harmony of Ebony and Ivory. He pointed out that if over applied, your skin might burn and that you definitely shouldn’t go out into the sun. Currently, Youth Nude is only available in Dubai.

Next week--A new fragrance from Delta Burke? (Hint: It’s a gourmand featuring a sesame seed bun accord! MMMM.)

Kelley said...

ooops...I realize that I forgot an important part...the "10 criteria" part. Sorry, it was the middle of the night. What to do?

Justin Meyer said...

Review: YSL, Kouros eau Vulgaire Édition

Notes: Triple-tier urinal cake essence, Franzia boxed merlot extract, Malaysian Durian, Chinese Thousand-Year-Old eggs (Century eggs) notes, fermented civet paste, and magnetic sawdust juice.

Pros: unmistakably unique, amazing silage, captures the essence of raunchy earthy sexuality, is reminiscent of a much simpler by gone era, and it comes in a double lined, vacuumed sealed steel case with stamped with a hazmat warning that makes it an interesting conversation piece.

Cons: frightens children, illegal in many countries, may cause seizure in infants and small animals and others may mistakenly believe that the wearer has severe gangrene of the crotch.

Reminds me of: a fraternity house fridge or an unclean motel room that is the frequent host to one-night stands with farmyard animals. Still, visions of un-bathed cave dwellers wearing dirty rodent pelts sleeping near a sulfur spring come to mind to remind us all of a time when humanity was much simpler and closer to nature.

Development: right from the get go, the Malaysian Durian takes the front while the fermented civet paste plays a strong supporting role. As the durian fruit fades away, the urinal cakes freshen the fragrance while maintaining the scents daring to be dirty aura. Towards the end, the cheap merlot (a show a class with a rugged edge) and magnetic sawdust juice come into play. The result is a slightly fruity, relaxing woody scent that would be a paradox to the fragrance as a whole if it weren’t against the backdrop of the ever-persistent base note of the thousand-year-old eggs with their slightly sulfuric smell.

Longevity: In a word, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Lasts longer than Britney Spear's first marriage.

Silage: noticeable by everyone in approximately a 10 ft radius.

Where can I buy it? In legalized countries, available at YSL boutiques upon request. In all countries, simply contact your Black-Market sales person.

Bottle worthy? Without a doubt. Rarely does a fragrance of this dynamic magnitude come into existence. Never again will you need to fear being lost and being unable to be saved merely because the hounds could not sniff you out. Truly, an investment that may one day save your life.

The Bottom line: Sure, it may vaguely make you smell as if you have just done the nasty with a goat. However, I ask you, what other fragrance can possibly offer you that. Unique and one of a kind, a true statement of masculinity, earthiness and pure sexuality in its most untamed and raunchy form.

Flora said...

(Note: I have a photo to go with this but I figured it would not display properly in the comments.)

Review: Christian Lacroix, C’est La Vie


What is it? The first women’s fragrance by French fashion designer Christian Lacroix, released in 1990. By “released”’ I mean “accidentally escaped from the laboratory”.

Notes: Classified as Floral Oriental – Sweet, it has notes of Aldehydes, Raspberry, Clove, Orange Blossom, Tuberose, Jasmine, Rose, Cassie, Osmanthus, Seringa, Ylang-ylang, Iris with powdery notes of Coumarine, and a base of Vanilla, Amber, Musky/Animalic notes, Sandalwood and Patchouli. (Ye gods, what does it NOT have?) Somehow this formula results in a stiflingly claustrophobic quality that smells like it’s been closed up in a hot, shuttered room for days and all the flowers have wilted, There is no freshness to it; everything is overpowered by the stupendous overdose of animalic notes and patchouli.

This fragrance is the exact representation of what Christian Lacroix does to clothing and why he is my least favorite haute couture designer. He takes the very finest, most luxurious materials – and ruins them. No Italian silk or Indian brocade is safe from being made into the world’s ugliest dress, and no fine Rose absolute or Sandalwood oil is spared the same treatment in this ham-fisted perfume. I don’t know who the perfumer actually was, but I hope he or she left this baby off the résumé.

Pros: A little goes a long way, so you get more bang for your buck. Especially if it’s a rutting buck.

Cons: See Pros.

Reminds me of: A polecat in heat trying to get a date on a hot Saturday night in the Deep South. Oh, and Johnson’s Baby Oil when you use it as a tanning aid on a very hot day.

Development: After the first stunning impression, and I mean that literally, it settles down a little, but not too much. After the opening florals start to fade, the “animalic” part gets even worse. This perfume must have caused a world civet shortage when it came out. The hot, cloying, oiliness never goes away, resulting in a somewhat nauseating drydown.

Longevity: Endless. You might want to consider renting a belt sander to remove it.

Sillage: Lethal, somewhat akin to Sarin gas or diesel fumes, only with less charm.

Bottleworthy? Only if your other bottle is Pepto-Bismol. Otherwise, not so much.

Where can I buy it? At discount mail-order houses only; thankfully it has been discontinued. It’s currently on sale at www.perfume.com for $46.99 for the 1.7 oz. EDP. A miniature is available as well. Why anyone would want either size is still a mystery.

Rating: To actually wear: 1 (out of 10)
To soak pieces of fabric in and tie them to your bushes to keep the rabbits out of your garden: 10

Justin said...

Wow, sorry for that review Marlen, thats the last time I write something at 2 AM lol. If you just want to delete that version, I have a corrected one (one that actually has all 10 components) that I would be happy to submit in its place.

Have a good week.

Flora said...

Oops, mine has an error - the "Bottom Line" part got left up in the Notes section - the paragraph that starts with: "This fragrance is the exact representation..." is supposed to be at the bottom just before Rating. Sorry! I guess I was just too wrapped up in getting it submitted. I definitely had fun writing it!

Justin said...

Review: YSL, Kouros eau Vulgaire Édition

Notes: Triple-tier urinal cake essence, Franzia boxed merlot extract, Malaysian Durian, Chinese Thousand-Year-Old egg (Century eggs) notes, fermented civet paste, and magnetic sawdust juice.

Pros: unmistakably unique, amazing silage, captures the essence of raunchy earthy sexuality, is reminiscent of a much simpler by-gone era, and it comes in a chic double lined, vacuumed sealed steel case stamped with a hazmat warning that makes it an interesting conversation piece.

Cons: frightens children, illegal in many countries, may cause seizure in infants and small animals and others may mistakenly believe that the wearer has severe gangrene of the crotch.

Reminds me of: a fraternity house fridge or an unclean motel room that is the frequent host to one-night stands with farmyard animals. Still, visions of un-bathed cave dwellers wearing dirty rodent pelts sleeping near a sulfur spring come to mind to remind us all of a time when humanity was much simpler and closer to nature.

Development: right from the get go, the Malaysian Durian takes the front while the fermented civet paste plays a strong supporting role. As the durian fruit fades away, the urinal cakes freshen the fragrance while maintaining the scents daring to be dirty aura. Towards the end, the cheap merlot (a show a class with a rugged edge) and magnetic sawdust juice come into play. The result is a slightly fruity, relaxing woody scent that would be a paradox to the fragrance as a whole if it weren’t against the backdrop of the ever-persistent base note of the thousand-year-old eggs with their slightly sulfuric smell.

Longevity: In a word, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Lasts longer than Britney Spear's first marriage.

Silage: noticeable by everyone in approximately a 10 ft radius.

Where can I buy it? In legalized countries, available at YSL boutiques upon request. In all countries, simply contact your Black-Market sales person.

Bottle worthy? Without a doubt. Rarely does a fragrance of this dynamic magnitude come into existence. Never again will you need to fear being lost and being unable to be saved merely because the hounds could not sniff you out. Truly, an investment that may one day save your life.

The Bottom line: Sure, it may vaguely make you smell as if you have just done the nasty with a goat. However, I ask you, what other fragrance can possibly offer you that? Unique, a true statement of masculinity, earthiness and pure sexuality in its most untamed and gaudy form.

Rating (out of 10): 9 (minus one for the ridiculous advertisement featuring a nude Caroline Rhea holding a chicken with the slogan "I've got a dirty little secret." Honestly, itjust went too far, even for an Yves Saint Laurent advertisement)

Lisa S. said...

Tenzing Nosegay by Parfums d’Nepal

Notes: ~ A faint waft of rotting mountain climber garbage threading through a bracing icy menthol accord touched with Himalayan pine that soon descends to a comforting center of wet wool and pure canister oxygen underlain with the homey fragrance of warm yak butter tea.

Pros: That Xtreme outdoor feeling. attracts many handsome sherpas and sherpettes.

Cons: Hypoxia

Reminds me of: Canali di Venezia, Eau de Nouvelle Jersey Saltmarsh, Valdez Millesime 1989

Development: strictly third world

Longevity: It just keeps returning and returning…eternally

Sillage: depending on the winds and temperature anywhere from overwhelming to silent.

Where can I buy it? $666 for a 500ml edp splash at Tenzing and Edmund’s Fragrance Yurt

Bottleworthy? If one must….

The Bottom Line: For the adventurous armchair tourist. Be there without being there. Wherever you go, there you are.

Rating (out of 10): 3.141818

marlen said...

Thanks for all the entries everyone! I hope nobody minds that I posted all of your comments. I felt it was easier than not show them or trying to edit comments. I can tell some people have some very strong feelings about some very scandalous fragrances. Very nice. But beware of treading on hallowed scents that I hold dear...I mean what if I was wearing Kouros while shopping for C'est La Vie for my friend the Tibetan sherpa while listening to Michael Jackson???

Justin said...

LOL. Marlen, you see, the idiotic irony is, I love Kouros. I was wearing it while writing that review. I just took what everyone claimed and created my own little fantasy fragrance because I found it amusing. Hopefully you did too.

Lisa S. said...

I'd like to thank Marlen, the academy, the oft times iconoclastic scent enablers of MUA (my peeps rock the fragrances!), my sister Emily, and my pet slug Franz.